Eight Teams Who Parallel Horror Movies
Sports and horror movies go together better than we might think. Not only in the context of gruesome injuries that occur, but have you ever gone to a bar or a party when a team goes on a deep playoff run and gets crushed in a humiliating way? People walk away from that looking like they just returned from the dead. Just dozens/hundreds/thousands of people walking aimlessly around the streets at night, wondering what they’re doing here.
As a big horror movie fan, I noticed there are some teams who bare a striking resemblance to some popular, and not-so-popular, horror movies.
Florida Panthers – In A Violent Nature
The 2024 slasher movie features a killer slowly stalking his victims in the woods, and he will walk day and night to do it. The killer does not forget the people who wronged him and is patient about getting revenge.
Since the 2012-13 lockout season, Florida has received 43 misconducts in 94 playoff games, the most in the league. They have more playoff misconducts in that span than the Tampa Bay Lightning (36) and Florida has 66 fewer playoff games. This is a team that likes violence in the regular season but will wait for the postseason to dole out their brand of justice. The addition of Brady Tkachuk doubles down on that.
Winnipeg Jets – Scream 7
The seventh instalment in the ‘Scream’ franchise was released early in 2026, and it made a lot of money at the box office but was creatively empty. A big reason was that the two stars from the previous two entries weren’t in the movie for reasons that don’t include anything that happened on-screen.
Last year, the Jets lost Nikolaj Ehlers in free agency, and it crushed their scoring depth. This year, all-world goalie Connor Hellebuyck has demanded a trade from the team, refused to report to training camp, and subsequently been suspended. The 2024-25 season saw Winnipeg finish first in the regular season with 56 wins and 116 points. They have lost two stars since that season, but the franchise is still valued at $1.4-Billion. Sometimes, the comparisons write themselves.
The New York Islanders – Presence
In ‘Presence’, a family moves into a new home, only to be haunted by the titular presence. The entire movie is shot from the perspective of this spectral presence, so we see what the ghost sees, and that ratchets up the intensity. *** SPOILER ALERT*** ahead – no, really, this is a good movie and if you haven’t seen it, you should, but this is a big spoiler – the presence eventually leaves them alone, and the family is allowed to move on past all the awful things that have happened in the past.
The current edition of the Islanders is still being haunted by the spectre of former GM Lou Lamoriello. The team has started to re-stock the cupboard with Matthew Schaefer, Victor Eklund, Kashawn Aitcheson, and Cole Eiserman, but it will take some time before Lamoriello’s middling tenure is no longer heavily factored into New York’s lineup. The Islanders will eventually move beyond Lamoriello’s mistakes, but until they do, there is a spectre haunting this franchise.
Anaheim Ducks – Penny Lane is Dead
The hook for ‘Penny Lane is Dead’ is that three friends are vacationing at a cottage, the cousin of one of the friends shows up unannounced (and unwelcome), and the unwelcome cousin plays a prank that ends up killing one of the friends. Things continue to unravel from that point as the casualties pile up and the situation turns into what can be readily described as A Shit Show.
The biggest story of any team’s 2026 offseason was the offer sheet given by the Philadelphia Flyers and signed by Ducks star Leo Carlsson. It was an obscene offer of $18-million per season for five years, which was matched by Anaheim and subsequently killed any short-term cap flexibility they had. When the offseason started, Anaheim had big contracts to sign for Carlsson and Cutter Gauthier, so they had to let Jacob Trouba and John Carlson walk at free agency, terminated the contract of Chris Kreider, and traded Olen Zellweger for futures. Carlsson needing a big contract, made worse by the Flyers’ prank, has led to a cascade of events that have left the Ducks with less talent than they had six months ago. An odd situation for a rebuilding team coming off a second-round playoff appearance.
Dallas Stars – Pearl
This 2022 slasher-esque horror film set in 1918 features a woman from Texas who desperately wants to be a movie star, and that unrepentant desire results in her going on a violent warpath that leads to a spiral of self-destruction.
Texas’s lone NHL team (for now) has been desperate to win a Stanley Cup with their current core, and to do so, they traded away Logan Stankoven, two first-round picks, and two third-round picks for Mikko Rantanen. In one of life’s delicious ironies, Stankoven would go on to win the Stanley Cup with the Carolina Hurricanes a year later while Dallas failed to advance to the second round of the postseason for the first time in four years.
Dallas eight months from now as they fail to win the Stanley Cup yet again:
You are, indeed, a Star. Just not a star.
Calgary Flames – MadS
This is a unique zombie movie that has a similar premise to many zombie movies before it: there is a small(ish) sin at the start of the movie that snowballs into more severe mistakes/problems, and then there is a full-blown zombie outbreak that has subsumed the entire town, reducing it to a terror-soaked hellscape.
When the Calgary Flames traded Matthew Tkachuk, the problem wasn’t the trade (he wanted out) or the return, it was extending Jonathan Huberdeau for $10.5-Million per season for eight years which started with the 2023-24 season. That year, the cap was $83.5-Million, giving Huberdeau 12.5% of the cap, putting him in a tier to current contracts for Jack Eichel and Rasmus Dahlin. That initial sin tied the hands of the franchise for the next few years, and it created a nightmare where they weren’t a playoff team, let alone a contender, but weren’t bad enough to accumulate high draft picks. They have started to turn that ship around a bit, but the fallout from the Huberdeau contract will be felt into the next decade.
Los Angeles Kings – As Above, So Below
This modern classic is about a group of documentarians who travel to, and subsequently get lost in, the catacombs of Paris. Walking through the catacombs, they encounter someone who was thought to be a missing person, and that person tells them the only way out is by going deeper into the catacombs. It is a descent into hell where they just keep repeating the same paths and hope for a positive outcome.
The Los Angeles Kings are going into the 2026-27 season with the same six defencemen they had in the 2025-26 season. That means regular minutes for Cody Ceci, Brian Dumoulin, and Joel Edmundson, not to mention a soon-to-be 37-year-old Drew Doughty. General Manager Ken Holland just keeps walking deeper into the catacombs of mediocrity, partly thanks to a blue line shaped by him.
Detroit Red Wings – Satan’s Slaves
In this not-so-delightful horror movie, a woman is unable to have children, so she makes a pact with a Satanic cult that will allow her to conceive, but she will eventually have to sacrifice her youngest child so that her other children can live. There are many themes, but kids paying for the sins of the parents is very prominent.
Depending on where you check, the Detroit Red Wings have the worst odds to reach the playoffs in the Eastern Conference. Over the last five years, former General Manager Steve Yzerman did next-to-nothing to elevate his team, and now the Red Wings are staring down another rebuild, their second rebuild of the last 10 years. Moritz Seider and Lucas Raymond are paying for management’s mistakes, and that will be the case for years to come.
